Gentle fierceness, this is my specialty. Over the years I’ve gotten a lot of feedback about my presence in groups, individually, with clients and co-workers. All this feedback has sounded similar. Erin, you have gentle power or gentle fierceness or something to that effect. It’s my nature and for that, I’m thankful. It’s part of my personality and a piece of myself that I share with clients.
This quality is an integral part of my therapeutic work. I’ve found, that if you are too gentle or nurturing, most people don’t feel inspired to change or shift their pain. On the other hand, if I am too cutting or fierce, sometimes people feel pushed and push back in defense. I’ve found, that a great balance between the two works for me.
How do these show up when I work?
Often, humans have suffering and worry about sharing their pain with someone else for fear they may be judged, shamed, blamed, etc.
I find it’s very helpful to be gentle when asking questions upon our first meeting or when they tell me about their pain. It’s like going to the dentist and the difference between them being gentle when they clean your teeth or decide they will use no numbing agent. They are getting the job done, but there’s a lot of pain involved. It’s my belief that there’s no need to add insult to injury. Brene’ Brown talks about using empathy as a way to become shame resilient. She says that when people are feeling shame, they often freeze and cannot make any movement, like being paralyzed. When someone shares empathy with you when you are feeling pain, you are less likely to feel so paralyzed and more likely to shift, change or be available for emotional movement.
After a client and I have a comfortable working relationship, and they are building their shame resilience, I find that there are opportunities for growth and turning pain into power. Sometimes…(wink, wink)…people avoid pain and don’t lean into it. This is where gentle fierceness( or fierce compassion) comes in. Sometimes people think that compassion is not cutting or fierce. Actually, it can be! Think of an example of a friend that calls you a lot and usually talks about their problems and rarely asks about how your life is going. Fierce compassion is telling the person the effect this has on you and dis-continuing the friendship if that’s what needs to happen. How is that compassionate? It gives the other person information they can use in other relationships and also gives them a chance to change their interaction with you. It gives them choice and having choice is freedom.
We set people free when we have fierce compassion for them.
If you are curious to read more on my background and therapeutic technique, go to my About page. If you would like to schedule a 15 minute free phone consultation with, we can discuss how I might help you move through your pain.
Love to you.