What else is life, if it isn’t a shared journey? Sometimes, I have felt that I am alone and no one knows how much pain I’m in and has never felt pain like mine. In some way that’s true, my pain is unique. My life circumstances are configured in such a way as to be only mine. In another way, this is only my ego finding separation between myself and others and creating more pain for my being.
Sharing my pain with someone is so vulnerable. What if that person says, oh that’s not that bad or I’ve had it tougher. I think these reactions mostly come from other peoples egos and defenses, their own need to separate from pain; either by saying I don’t have pain like that; I don’t want to see yours because it will make me feel mine; no ones pain is as bad as mine, etc. We have often had experiences of not being fully seen by our caregivers, classmates, school teachers, lots of people. Because of these experiences, we want to separate from our own and other peoples’ pain.
Even in the midst of this pain we have a desire to connect; to be seen, really seen. I don’t mean seen for the facade we hold out for people to see. I mean the most inner parts of ourselves; the part you show no one, because the pain of rejection; indifference or, even love seems unbearable. And it’s this desire, longing really, to connect that we seek out assistance. We begin to seek out people that we sense want to see us for everything we are.
Sometimes we find a counselor in this process. Counseling can be a very special thing. Just as every one has their own unique pain and life circumstances; so is there a counselor that exists to behold their pain and life circumstances. There exists a counselor fit for them in all their uniqueness. Finding that person isn’t sitting in a stuffy office, sharing your excruciating pain with someone that you feel just ok around.
For me, it was a gradual growing. I met my counselor for the first time and we talked about a difficult relationship I was in. I did share some pain, but not my deepest pain. She was able to meet me where I needed it; so I trusted more and shared more and more and more. Sometimes I have the experience of being emotionally naked there and let me tell you….it is exhilarating. I mean exhilarating!!! Have you ever noticed that the word exhilarating is usually used in situations that are both scary and exciting? Like hang-gliding, your first kiss or getting married. This is exactly how I mean to use it here. Sometimes when I feel that my counselor is seeing me for me, I feel, excited, scared, happy, held…all at once. To me, this is the beauty of life; learning how to BE exactly the essence of me with another.
When you start sharing the beauty of life with one person, you cannot help but share it with others. Don’t worry about who you choose, you will know who to start with. It may be scary, but you will figure it out and your counselor will help you.
I want you to know, you are beautiful and, quite possibly, perfect just as you are.
To explore more of my background and therapeutic technique go to my About page. You may also be interested in scheduling a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may share the beauty of life.